„Trump’s Tweets“ (Uraufführung) Text
Januar 10, 2022

The Carnival of the Dinosaurs Text En

Chapter One: Introduction

Once upon a time, long, long ago there lived a beautiful Queen…

Actually, it wasn’t long, long ago. It was long, long, long, long…

….long, long, long, long, long…LONG ago

The Queen’s name was Tyrannosaurus Regina, which means “tyrant queen of the lizards” and she was queen of all the dinosaurs. “Dinosaurs” means “terrible lizards”.

She ruled over all of them: mighty Brontosauruses…

Spine-covered Stegosauruses…

…speedy Velociraptors…

…as well as Triceratops, Anklyosauruses and many others…

And everyone adored and obeyed her…

Because those who didn’t obey her, or made snide remarks about her tiny hands…

…were eaten for her breakfast…

The Dinosaurs annual carnival celebrating the Queen’s birthday was approaching and she wanted it to be perfect. She resolved to send her spies out to make sure no-one was plotting a rebellion

Chapter Two: The Brontosaurus and the Mosquito

In order to keep peace in her kingdom the Queen had many spies, who told her about the goings-on in her kingdom and who was most deserving of being tomorrow’s breakfast. Today she was suspicious of the Brontosaurus, whom she had been informed was a vegetarian…

She couldn’t use any of her usual spies as the Brontosaurus was able to see them from his great height so she sent a most unusual spy instead…

…a Mosquito!

Having received his instructions the mosquito flew to the grove where the magnolias grew, where he had been reliably informed he would find the Brontosaurus. But instead of a giant dinosaur, he saw a small grey snake…

He couldn’t see far ahead in the magnolia. He flew above the snake and was astounded to see it continued…and got thicker…

And grew…

And grew…

…and went up…and up…

Now it was a mighty ocean of grey, stretching as far as the eye could see..

The mosquito was flying up and up, out of the canopy of the magnolias and towards the clouds. Already tired, the Mosquito stopped for a quick bite of lunch and to enjoy the view…

...before continuing to fly in search of the Brontosaurus.

But now the snake was getting smaller again, and after a time..

...he finally came to it’s head. And he still hadn’t found the Brontosaurus…

 He took a nap. Being a spy was exhausting.

Chapter 3: Stegosauruses

The Brontosaurus lifted his head up and peered down at the view across the river…

There were two Stegosauruses who seemed to be about to fight. In any case there was a lot of shuffling around and rattling of their spines. He craned his neck down to take a closer look.

He now realised it was a boy and girl, not two boys as he had supposed…and the boy seemed to be…singing!

The Brontosaurus sighed, he was a terrible romantic: “they’re in love!”. “But what are they doing…circling around and bumping each other”.

The boy kept singing his love song and trying to get closer to the girl but his spines and her spines kept bumping and frightening them both. He sat down in a pile of dust looking sad.

The Brontosaurus sighed. An enormous tear rolled off his cheek and splashed all over both Stegosauruses…

The girl looked at the unhappy boy and gently started singing to him.

She approached from head on, so their spines didn’t bump each other and reached in to give him a kiss…

from the surrounding bushes came many tiny, baby Stegosauruses…   The Brontosaurus sighed with contentment.

Chapter 4: Triceratops and Anklyosaurus

The mosquito woke from his nap and decided to give up searching for the Brontosaurus and try spying on the Triceratops instead. The Queen suspected Triceratops because, despite his formidable appearance, he was also a vegetarian…

He flew to the grove where he knew Triceratops lived, and witnesses a curious scene…

There was a party in process with tables of drinks and snacks on them and a young girl Triceratops was dancing…the Mosquito’s eye’s bulged…everyone knew parties without the Queen’s permission weren’t allowed. Perhaps he had finally found the resistance.

Despite the girl’s considerable size and formidable armour, she danced elegantly…the mosquito was impressed. She was trying to get the attention of a boy, who seemed a bit shy…

The boy tried to dance with her, but every time he moved…he knocked something over!

Tables, chairs, drinks, even the bus stop!

The girl couldn’t help laughing and the boy, looking ashamed, walked away. “Interesting” thought the mosquito, following him.

The boy Triceratops turned a corner and opened the door of building. Loud music came out when the door opened…

The mosquito flew in behind him unnoticed.

The Triceratops went into the club and sat down next to Anklyosaurus!

They weren’t as big as Triceratops but carried clubs on their tails and this one had tattoos and an earring!

The Triceratops explained to his friend his troubles dancing and Anklyosaurus brought out a guitar.

“My friend, you should stick to playing music. Leave dancing to the others”

After a drink together Triceratops left and returned to the party outside carrying the guitar. This time, instead of dancing he started playing his guitar and soon the whole street was dancing in joy.

Chapter 5: Pterodactyl

Of all the creatures in the Queen’s queendom, the hardest to control were those that could fly, for the Queen had no way of catching them and so they couldn’t be punished. As she sat in the tower of her castle practicing her speech for the Carnival, she looked out the window and saw a great flock of Pterodactyls circling.

They were…beautiful. Elegant, peaceful, serene. She wondered why there so many of them circling over the same patch in the ocean.

Then they all started dropping into the water catching fish. It was wonderfully horrible and horribly wonderful, the ocean turning red with blood.

“I wish I was a Pterodactyl” though Tyrannosaurus Regina. “They are everything I wish to be: beautiful and murderous!”.

Chapter 6: Velociraptors

When the Queen travelled outside her castle, she sat in a carriage drawn by two of her fastest Velociraptors. They were magnificent animals, looking not unlike the Queen herself, but smaller and faster. As they would be on duty for the carnival in the evening the Queen gave them the afternoon free to run around and make mischief as they liked…and what mayhem they caused…

First, they tormented the Triceratops, overturning tables and stealing all the food…

Then they chased the Stegosauruses and their children all around the forest…

Then they crashed Anklyosaurus’ club, chasing all the guests out and drinking all the beer…

Then they teased Brontosaurus by nipping his heels and running through his mighty legs…

They only returned to the castle when the Pterodactyls circled overhead…even for the fast Velociraptors Pterodactyls were dangerous… 

But they were almost too late back! The trumpets were sounding as they arrived. It was time to drive the Queen! The Carnival was beginning!

Chapter 7: Tyrannosaurus Regina

The Carnival celebrated the Queen’s birthday, and she always celebrated by holding a huge birthday party, which everyone who didn’t get eaten enjoyed…except for her lengthy speech!

This year was no exception, she had prepared a speech and she began with the other dinosaurs sitting silently, waiting for it to finish.

The Queen began by listing all her achievements over the past year, skipping over minor details like who had been eaten for breakfast or snatched for supper by the Pterodactyls.

Then she began talking of the bright future that lay ahead of them under her leadership, where everything would be better than ever before, in fact in all of dinosaur history, and as she became impassioned, she started waving her hands around and making wild gestures.

By this stage Brontosaurus was snoring and the other dinosaurs were getting restless. It was well past time to eat and make merry! But as the Queen’s speech rose to a crescendo, she paused for a moment (for dramatic effect) and one of the baby Stegosauruses clearly said “her hands are ridiculously tiny” in the silence.

Silence followed and everyone looked at the Queen.

Her resplendent green hue was slowly turning red and her eyes bulged with angry tears. She began to rage and started shouting about how ungrateful the dinosaurs were. Working herself into a frenzy she suddenly turned and ran towards the Stegosauruses, swiping animals left and right from her path.

The Brontosaurus, now well awake, began running in terror as fast as his mighty legs would carry him. He overturned the huge banquet table in his hurry and the baby Stegosauruses hid underneath it.

The flock of Pterodactyls had heard the commotion and began swooping down, chasing the dinosaurs as they fled.

A small Pterodactyl flew directly in front of the enraged Queen and she grabbed it in her jaws. She stopped in her tracks.

“Ah funely chut uh Pteruductl” said the Queen in disbelief.

“What did you say your Majesty?” asked the small Pterodactyl.

The Queen opened her mouth wide.

“I finally caught a Pterodactyl” she grinned, as the small Pterodactyl flew away.

“Oh bother, its flown away”

The small Pterodactyl’s mother, a massive creature larger than the Queen herself, swooped down and picked up Regina in her enormous mouth, flying upwards. Regina didn’t understand what was happening to her, but she experienced a delicious sensation unknown to her…what was it, she wondered.

“I’m…flying” she gasped, seeing the scene below get gradually smaller and smaller.

“I’m flying!” she roared as the Pterodactyl Mother flew past the highest turret of the Castle and dropped Regina onto it. 

Regina stood at the top of her castle, looking down. The other dinosaurs had stopped running and were looking up at her in disbelief. They looked tiny and insignificant.

“There have been great kings and queens before me” she roared. “But I am the first Tyrannosaurus to fly!”.

Judging it to be safe, the dinosaurs below picked up some scattered snacks and refreshments and took them to be eaten in the safety of their homes. 

“Tyrannosaurus Regina, queen of queens, first Tyrannosaurus to fly” made her way down the spiral staircase to her bedroom. She took off her crown and placed it on her bedside table.  She looked at herself in the mirror.

“That was the best birthday ever” she said, before tucking herself into her bed and falling asleep immediately.

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